


Through the Night

by psyduckappears



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Love, M/M, Marriage, dream - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-23 23:46:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7484658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psyduckappears/pseuds/psyduckappears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam and Ronan are getting married. But are they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through the Night

Today was supposed to be the best day in Adam Parrish's life. No, Adam corrected himself, today was going to be the best day of his life. Nothing would get in the way of that, no matter how much his hands sweated, no matter how nervous he was, no matter how little he trusted the good things in his life to stay. He tried to think of what Gansey had told him when he had helped him get ready, noticing his shaking hands.  
“Calm down, Adam”, he had said, “It's all going to be alright. He's going to be there, he won't dump you. He loves you.” Adam had smiled at him, gratefully, trying to convince himself that his best man was right, a thing that he deep down knew but also a thing that he could not quite wrap his mind around.  
Suddenly, Blue pulled him out of his thoughts. She wore a dress, a green one which she actually did not make herself for once. “Adam, come on, it's time we get in”, she smiled, holding out her arm for him to link his with it. When he did, the church door opened, music coming from the inside, and they started walking down the aisle.

At the end of the aisle, Adam could see Ronan standing next to Matthew, which immediately calmed him down. He was there and now not even his brain could deny it. He had come, this was going to happen. Adam had known he would come, but some part of him had always doubted it.  
Now, though, he could just walk down the little path and smile, thinking about how beautiful (and actually, how hot) Ronan looked in his black tuxedo.  
He didn't even realize, until when Blue pecked him on the cheek and sat down in the front row, that they had arrived in the front and when he did, he stood next to Ronan, facing the priest. When he started talking, Ronan intervened their fingers.  
“Dear children of God”, he said, “ you have come to this church so that the Lord may seal your love in the presence of a priest and this community. Christ blesses this love. He has already consecrated you in baptism; now, by a special sacrament, he strengthens you to fulfil the duties of your married life. Ronan Lynch and Adam Parrish, you are about to celebrate this sacrament. Have you come here of your own free will and choice and without compulsion to marry each other?”  
In unison, Adam and Ronan answered, smiling, “We have.”  
“Will you love and honour each other in marriage all the days of your life?”, the priest asked.  
“We will.” After they spoke their vows, they exchanged the rings and Adam thought he noticed Ronan's hand shaking as much as his own did and then the priest said, “May the Lord bless these rings, which will be the sign of your love and fidelity”, and the friends and family, all people they loved spoke “Amen.” When the priest told them to kiss Adam leaned in slightly. All his emotions towards Ronan were fulfilling him at that moment. It was perfect, it was wonderful, it was all Adam had wanted in a long time. They came closer and everything seemed to go in slow motion. And then, when only the thinnest layer of air parted their lips, Adam's eyes closed tightly and a smile stretching his lips, he woke up. 

It took him a second to realize it was all just a dream, he was still in his crappy apartment he shared with some guy from college, in a bed too big for him alone, miles away from Henrietta and forever away from Ronan. It took him a second to realize that no, he would never marry Ronan and not because they did not love each other but because Ronan was dead. Unmade by that demon that ate him and everything he had ever dreamt from the inside out. And that was when Adam started crying. Not only crying, sobbing, screaming into his pillow and not caring whether his room mate would wake up or not. His head hurt, his body ached, his heart decayed like Ronan had. All he wanted was to get him back but it was no use. All he wanted was that the demon had unmade him, not Ronan. Gansey had tried to sacrifice himself but it did nothing but take another person from them. Ronan died, Gansey died and all that was left was ruins. Ruins of Blue, ruins of Adam. Noah had vanished with Cabeswater and Blue's energy. After losing Gansey, she had been nothing like before anymore and neither had Adam. Henry had tried to help them but it would not work. What could he do anyway? Nothing. And so, Adam had left. Gone to college, hoping to get away from the memories. Hoping that maybe he could forget. 

But it had been more than two years now and all he did was falling for Ronan further the more he missed him, and missing him more the further he loved him. Everyday, it got worse instead of better and Adam was tired. All he looked at remembered him of Ronan. His cracked skin on his hands made him think of the lotion Ronan gave him. Every BMW he saw let him think of Ronan, every racing car, every wrist wearing leather bands, every raven, every shaved head, everything that came anywhere close to the colour of this beautiful Irish eyes. Every time someone even mentioned the Murder Squash Song Adam was on the verge of tears.  
Now maybe, Adam could kill himself. Often enough, he thought about it. But if there was something like a heaven and he would commit suicide, if Adam would come to heaven and Ronan happened to be there, he would kill him for being dead before ninety. Adam knew full well that Ronan wanted him to live, and live happily, but that did not really seem an option anymore. 

Sometimes, he just wished he could stay in his dreams forever because there, he could be with Ronan. The only times Adam was happy these days was in his sleep.  
So as every night, every time he woke up from a dream like this, realizing the emptiness in his life all over again, the emptiness in the spot next to him in his bed, he wiped away his tears, and just tried to think of Ronan's cracked smile and filthy jokes because even though it always seemed to make Adam miss him even more, it made him so happy at that moment that he couldn't care.


End file.
